That Time a Stranger Yelled at Me

Awhile ago I was at a park with my children. It was the type of park where random toys are often left behind and become "community toys". We arrived pretty early in the morning and had the park to ourselves for awhile. My little loves ran freely and found an assortment of things with which to play. Later in the morning, after several families had arrived and had joined in on the communal toy playing, one of my children found a lone ball and began kicking it around, and when we moved to the other side of the park the ball remained in my child's arms.

After a few more minutes of play, I noticed a woman walking very purposefully towards us. She darted her eyes towards me, grabbed the ball out of my child's arms in exasperation, and the following exchange took place:

"Can I have MY ball back?!"

"I am so sorry. Yes, you can have it back. I did not realize the ball was yours."

"Well is it YOURS?"

"No, it's not. I am so sorry. We had no intention of keeping it..."

And then she stormed off. And my child burst into tears. And I was overcome with shame.

My initial instinct was to grab my children, run to the car, and go home. But as my tearful child asked me what she had done wrong, I realized - nothing. She had done nothing wrong. I had done nothing wrong. It was a simple misunderstanding and yet that exchange had left my child and me feeling guilty and ashamed.

How did that happen? My child had innocently been playing with a ball and now I was wanting to run away and hide in shame? It didn't sit right with me, so instead, I took a deep breath, explained to my child that we had done nothing wrong, that it was all a misunderstanding, and we stayed exactly where we were. And in fact, later we walked right back to play side by side with that mother and her children.

But not without a strong internal battle. I found myself having to internally combat the profound effects of shame that had covered me and would not leave without a fight.

Shame is a powerful thing. Sometimes shame comes when we have knowingly done wrong and it can to drive us towards repentance, healing, and ultimately freedom from that feeling of shame. But all too often shame falsely accuses, unnecessarily burdens, and traps us in dark hidden places.

Shame can come from another person's false accusations. Shame can come from feeling left out and alone. Shame can come from making an innocent mistake. Shame can come from serious and intentional harm caused by another.

And from all these places, shame has no place, no reason to be present, and yet it comes all the same and brings with it an overwhelming sense of feeling innately wrong, humiliated, and a drive to hide one's self.

That morning at the park the shame I felt was so intense and real, and yet the shame was unfounded. The shame I felt was not mine to bear. And I had a choice to make - remain in the feeling of shame and hide or actively choose to step out of it and release myself from a feeling that was not grounded in the truth of who I was and what I did.

Where are you trapped in shame? Where is shame unnecessarily accusing you, burdening you, and trapping you? And can you too step out and release yourself from a feeling that is not yours to bear?